Five Ways to Fire Up Your Online Dating!

Sometimes, we like to tiptoe around online dating sites without really  taking a chance.  We might wind up feeling like a fool.  If something isn’t working for you, and you aren’t making good connections, maybe you need to fire up the process.

Online dating can be intimidating.  There are all kinds of dangers.  And, we might get burned.  We might sit back and tell ourselves that he or she will find us, and so we become like wall flowers at the dance, we wait for something to just happen.  But, life is short!  And, at my age, time is likely getting scarce.  Unfortunately, many aged wine people like myself are not used to new aged dating techniques.

How about if we were to stop trying to decide in advance if somebody is right or wrong for us.   Take a chance, talk to somebody online the same way you would if you met them at the grocery store.   Having a conversation is not a life long commitment.  Yet, you never know where it will lead.  If you make a friend and not a lover, you have gained, not lost.   If you wile away a lonely evening talking to someone online who is too far away, out of your age group or clearly shows other signs that make you realize they are not “the one,” so what?

Some of the biggest challenges in relationships come from the fact that most people enter a relationship in order to get something, they’re trying to find someone who’s going to make them feel good, in reality, the only way a relationship will last is if you see your relationship as a place that you go to give, and not a place you go to take.

Take a Chance…. you’ll never know how absolutely great something could turn out to be. Or we can sit around and wait and hope to catch up

I read the above words of wisdom on a gentleman’s profile at an online dating site recently.  So, I left him a message, letting him know that I appreciate what he wrote.  I don’t know if he will even read my message or respond.  But, it got me to thinking.

Too many of us sabotage our own chances of ever developing a relationship through online dating by not making a commitment to give it an honest try.

Oh, no! He answered my message! What if he actually wants to meet me! Now, what do I do?

Five Steps to Ignite Your Online Dating:

  • A photo is a must!  If you are afraid to even show your face, why should someone be interested? Smile into the camera. Include a number of photos.  At least one should be a full length standing shot, and it’s nice if you have an action shot that reveals something about your interests, etc.  (Leave out the photos with the ex and the selfies)
  • Profile descriptions or stories count!  “I’ll tell you later” doesn’t work. Some people put up a minimal profile to get a site activated, but it reveals nothing meaningful beyond the basic.  If you hope to give in a relationship, describe in a positive way what an online date might receive.
  • Use a paid dating site.  It helps to filter out at least some of the people who are not serious.
  • Use an online dating site with some verification.  I like Zoosk because they offer phone, Facebook, and photo verification. If a prospective date has none of these,  he might be up to no good.  Or, just afraid to put himself out there, to take a chance.
  • Spend the timesearch, read, send messages, answer messages, rewrite your profile, update your photos, etc.  If you have anything in common, I think meeting someone in person is the best way to get to get to know them.  Personal relationships are more important than picking out a car or a house.  You will make time for what you consider to be a real priority.

Finally, maybe it will be most valuable to adjust our perspective.  Consider searching for a relationship with a view toward what we can give, rather than what we can get.  Take a chance!

Ann Landers said:  Love is friendship that has caught fire — quiet understanding, mutual confidence, sharing and forgiving. It is loyalty through good and bad times. Love settles for less than perfection and makes allowances for human weaknesses.

May the new year bring you that love, that friendship that has caught fire!  And, if you have that love, hold on to it and keep the fire burning!

 

Online Dating – Five Steps to Cut Thru Fantasy & Fraud

Have you ever felt like the time you spend engaging with online dating sites is a waste of your time?  Join the club!  But what can you do about it?  Sometimes, it seems there are a whole lot of weirdos out there and only one perfectly normal person – you!

Maybe it is time to cut through the clutter, and seek out a genuine, eligible online date.  If you are willing to examine this a little further, you may also find that you – yourself are the one who lives in fantasy or lies –  just a little.  But, that doesn’t constitute a fraud, or does it? Continue reading “Online Dating – Five Steps to Cut Thru Fantasy & Fraud”

Four Free Ways to Wow Your Valentine!

Want to impress your sweetheart this Valentine’s Day?  It doesn’t take a fortune to get a “Wow, I love it!” from the one you care about.  The old song “Money Can’t Buy You Love” is based in truth.  With a little inspiration and imagination, you can give the best gift and create a love story with your valentine. And, it will cost you not one red cent. Continue reading “Four Free Ways to Wow Your Valentine!”

Investigate Yourself Online (or Someone Else) – It Can be Shocking!

If your credit and your reputation are important to you – do you know what people will find about you when they investigate online?  You may want to peek into your own background and see if you find any surprises.

It can be well worth checking on your credit too, just to make sure that you are not hurt when applying for a loan or passed up for a job opportunity.

You can get your free credit report once a year from any of the three major credit bureaus — Equifax, Experian and Trans Union.  Do not assume that their information is all going to be the same. Very often it is not. At the website FreeScoreOnline  you can get all three of your reports free.

Investigating Yourself or Someone Else

It’s a good idea to know who you are dealing with in any type of new relationship.  You probably should not rely solely on recommendations in many situations.

Maybe you want to hire a caretaker, or rent out a spare room. Image you just want to reconnect with family, friends, or classmates. Sometimes it is helpful to know who someone’s relatives are or who they associate with.

During the last week, I had contact with a couple of potential suitors from an online dating site.  Rather than completely dismiss them since they were not local, I decided to go into detective mode.

The first thing I usually do is a simple Google
search on their name and location and whatever information I have, such as their profession. But, I wasn’t finding much, so I decided to look a bit further.

In the process, I started to wonder ……

“what would I find if I did an online search on myself?”

What I found out was mostly correct.   But, I also found a whole lot of misinformation!  Someone else’s photo and criminal record came up mixed in with real and accurate information about me.  To correct this, I dealt directly with the background service provider.

What you can find out is truly incredible.

You can easily investigate to learn about whether anyone had traffic tickets, arrests, convictions, what their sex offender status is and all about their social media habits.  There is very little that is really private any more.

 

 

The Quick and Easy Way to Investigate Yourself  or Someone Else Online

The quick and easy way to investigate yourself online is to use a professional background check service.  I used truthfinder.com and here is a sample report

 

There is a list of other background services that I have added to the Resources section of this website.  All background services pull information from the same sources (Check out the Resources section for more in-depth information on any of the topics discussed on this site.)

The FREE Way to do a Background Check

All the background information that is available from most professional services is available to you FREE if you have the time to investigate.  You may quickly be able to find out what you want or find a person you are looking for without spending a nickel.

There is a U-Tube video that can take you through how to do this on your own.

You don’t want to act on bad information. So, he more information you know about someone the better your search results will be – such as middle initial, age, general location, etc.

An article by Kim Komando in USA Today suggests that you might also dig up information on a person’s habits or character that a professional might not consider. And she suggest the following sites: PeekYou, White Pages Neighbors, and the Dru Sjodin National Sex Offender Public Website.

P.S. Don’t get yourself in trouble.  If you are doing a background check as an employer or as a landlord or for credit, medical or insurance reasons you must use a Consumer Reporting Agency (CRA).  The Fair Credit Reporting Act requires this to maintain standards for data protection and to offer dispute resolution.

 

 

 

 

5 Lessons to Learn from My First Online Dating Encounter

If you just want the bottom line about the online dating lessons, go to the end of the post. But this online dating story is worth the read.  Email and text excerpts that follow are authentic actual conversations (including misspellings) saved on my computer and cell phone.

The Last Love of Mark Rossi!

Less than 24 hours after I had put my online profile on the online dating website, Match.com,  I was pleasantly surprised to get a message from Mark Rossi — age 62 (five years younger than me — could I handle being a cougar?).  Mark’s profile showed him to be  Italian/American, a widower, a successful international businessman and very good-looking! Continue reading “5 Lessons to Learn from My First Online Dating Encounter”

A Fool Will Lose Tomorrow Reaching Back for Yesterday!

 

grief

Grief is such a strange emotion and can pop up when we least expect it. Have you ever lost someone through divorce or death?  Have you ever had a regret — something you looked back on and wished you could change?

Yes, most of us can probably relate to experiencing of grief.  The voice of a good friend comes into my mind right now.  She says:  “STOP.  You can’t go back.  Dwelling on it is fruitless.  You need to look at today and tomorrow and what you can do now!”  

Yesterday, I talked a little about online dating.  Now, I would like to back up a step and talk about the loss that many of us feel.  The older we get, the more loved ones we lose.  It is the way things are.

What if you are not ready to move on?  And how do you know if you are ready to date again?  Will you ever be able to find the loving relationship you had before?  I ask this, because I truly believe Continue reading “A Fool Will Lose Tomorrow Reaching Back for Yesterday!”

Online Dating at My Age? Absolutely!

Senior dating online may be a stretch for some of us, but consider the benefits.  Do you let age put unnecessary restrictions on you?  Some days I feel like I am seventeen.  Other days I don’t.  Can baby boomers and other seniors find love again?  Why not?

 “I think people would live a bit longer if they didn’t know how old they were. Age puts restrictions on things.” Karl Pilkington

One month after we both lost our respective spouses, I had a phone conversation with an old family friend.   It went something like this:

“So, Harry, how did it happen that we have come to this point in our lives and find ourselves alone, without a partner?

It was extremely difficult for Harry to accept that his wife of 40 years was gone. Though she was in his heart and he talked with her privately,  Ann would never be a part of his every day life again. He had lost her rather quickly — just four short months from diagnosis to death.

I lost my husband after a long ten-year battle with cancer.  There is really no way of losing a loved one that equips us to deal with the loss or know how to pick up the pieces.

I could not believe it when, in time, we started talking about finding new mates. Wondering whether senior online dating was a viable option, we talked. Dating again, at our age? Continue reading “Online Dating at My Age? Absolutely!”