Grief is such a strange emotion and can pop up when we least expect it. Have you ever lost someone through divorce or death? Have you ever had a regret — something you looked back on and wished you could change?
Yes, most of us can probably relate to experiencing of grief. The voice of a good friend comes into my mind right now. She says: “STOP. You can’t go back. Dwelling on it is fruitless. You need to look at today and tomorrow and what you can do now!”
Yesterday, I talked a little about online dating. Now, I would like to back up a step and talk about the loss that many of us feel. The older we get, the more loved ones we lose. It is the way things are.
What if you are not ready to move on? And how do you know if you are ready to date again? Will you ever be able to find the loving relationship you had before? I ask this, because I truly believe
Time spent in Grief is time well spent!
I don’t mean to suggest that you wallow in self-pity indefinitely. There are, however, people who are in a place where they are really not ready to start a new relationship. I found that out the hard way by jumping into online dating too soon. Sometimes we need some space. But, there is the sense of loss that leaves a hole in our heart that we want to fill up right away.
I have lost two husbands. I loved them both. The first one I lost through divorce. The second husband I lost through death. But, each sense of loss was very real and remarkably similar in its own way.
During a session with a psychologist after my divorce, I felt compelled to sing Dionne Warwick’s song “I Know I’ll Never Love This Way Again”. It expressed how I felt. It expressed the sorrow over a love that was lost. And it expressed my determination to move on — to look forward to a new tomorrow.
Then, 35 years later as I was losing my second husband to cancer, the song came back to me. So we sat on the front porch sharing a glass of wine — very close to this time of year just two years ago. I sang the song to my dying husband as a way of expressing how I felt. As a way of saying “I love you”. As a way of saying “Goodbye”.
Usually, I tried to be upbeat and not let my husband see the grief I was feeling. I wanted to spare him that heart ache during his final days. When I sang the song, I could not get through it without tears. But I did get through it.
I wanted him to hear the lines “A fool will lose tomorrow reaching back for yesterday!” — so that he would not only know how much I cared, but also know that, although I experience grief, I would survive and I would move on. So I could convince myself. And so he would not worry about me.
Please listen to the music and the lyrics here and see if it does not speak to your heart, too. It brings tears to my eyes whenever I hear it. Then, decide for yourself if your grief is still very heavy or if you are ready to move on.